dead and alive
after the beep
“Hey, Lahiri.”
“Yes?” Isabel looked up from her paperwork.
“It’s forensics. They’ve got your phone finished.”
Ah. Robert’s cell phone. Well, time to go see what contacts she should be looking for. She smiled to herself. What she would have given to have seen the look on his face when he realized she’d taken it--!
But this was almost better. To find his partners, his friends (she sneered; like they wouldn’t turn on him for a stack of bills) and put them away for a crime they absolutely would commit? And possibly be led to the Night Fox in the process? Scratch that ‘almost’. It was better.
“So what have you got for me, genius?” Isabel smiled. Despite her less-than-stellar relationships with the brass, she and forensics got along quite well. It got her better service and faster results, and they didn’t do all the political bullshit. She knew when to behave or kiss up, but she preferred the company of the “geeks” to those testosterone-filled idiots upstairs.
“Some very interesting thieves, gorgeous.” Maria spun around in her office chair. “Want to see? Or rather, hear?” She gave Isabel a cheeky grin. “You’ll never believe it…” Teasing.
“Oh really?” Isabel pulled up her own office chair. “Show me before you say anything.” She gave as good as she got.
“You asked for it.” Another spin in the chair and Maria typed a bit on her keyboard.
---
“You do know that you could just walk over here if you wanted to talk, right?”
(“This is the beginning of the conversation,” Maria informed Isabel. “The phone has caller ID. Still kind of weird though.” The policewoman nodded, then waved for quiet. Who was Robert talking to?)
“A whole two doors down? And besides, this way is more fun.”
(Who was that voice? Daniel Ocean, perhaps?)
“Danny.”"
(Yes, she was right. Victory glowed warm in her chest.)
“Rusty."
“I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t do this on jobs anymore.”
(Do what? Isabel mouthed to Maria. Just listen, came the answer. She complied.)
“Just because of that one time–”
“Five.”
“Five?”
“Five. At least.”
“I only remember–”
“Memphis. The diamonds.”
“What about–”
“The guy, Landry I think."
“The stockbroker?”
“Uh-huh.”
“But what about–”
“Three angry wives, two ex-husbands, fifteen gold marshmallows and a cat.”
(“What the hell?” Isabel exclaimed.
“That isn’t even the best part,” said Maria.)
“Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Five times.”
Silence.
“Let’s make it six.”
“No. No, Danny, just no. I’m hanging up. Ah-! No. Hanging up. Bye, Danny.”
Click.
---
“I’d say the gold marshmallows were the best part,” said Isabel.
“Not even,” grinned Maria. “Wait ‘til you hear the next conversation.”
“Wait, wait. First give me a rundown. Do we have any contacts?”
Maria sighed. “Unfortunately, no. Your boy Rusty is real careful. Wiped all memory from earlier than a week ago. All we have are three conversations.” Then she perked up. “But they’re really interesting! Want to hear the other two?”
Isabel spent a moment to acknowledge how good Rusty was before she said, “Sure. All between Robert and Daniel?”
Maria typed some more. “Oh, those are their real names?”
“Robert Ryan and Daniel Ocean,” confirmed Isabel.
“Mm,” said Maria, “doesn’t suit them,” and pressed a key.
---
“No, Danny.”
“Aw, come on. It’ll be fun. Maybe I can make the others hear you.”
“You weren’t able to before.”
(Smug. Robert was always smug. What was Daniel trying to get Robert to do, though? Something loud?)
“I wasn’t really trying to before.”
“The time in–”
“Doesn’t count.”
“..You know, if you weren’t drunk, you wouldn’t be trying this.”
“Rus’, that was–”
“Well yeah, okay, I’m tired. I’ve been looking at plans all day, you know.”
(Ah-ha. First count of truly suspicious behavior. Plans for what, though?)
“Guaranteed good–“
“–And that wasn’t?”
“So we both aren’t at our best. It’s still a good idea.”
“It really isn’t.”
(Really, what was Daniel trying to get Robert to do?)
“Come on, live a little.”
“This is to make up for–“
“—But only if you—”
“—Well I–”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“…So?”
“Call me back in five minutes.”
Expectant silence.
“Dude, phone bills.”
“Oh. Right.”
Click.
---
“Huh,” said Isabel.
“What?” Maria turned her chair to look at her.
“I’d heard of how they did their little–” she gestured, “not-speaking thing, but…”
“It is pretty strange,” Maria agreed. “Number three is the really interesting one, though.”
---
“So is this a yes?”
“Mm.”
“Oh. What.”
“Not phone sex, alright?”
(“Is that… Did he just say what I thought he said?” Isabel sputtered. “What the hell!”
“Oh yeah,” grinned Maria.)
“And the alternative would be…?”
“Uh, sex sex?”
“Skin on skin, grunting, moaning, screaming–”
“Hey, I don’t scream. I am not a screamer. You are the screamer.”
(“Lalala, I’m not listening,” sang Isabel, fingers in her ears. “This is way more than I ever wanted to kno-ow.”
Maria snickered.)
“No I’m not.” Indignant. “I’m charming and charismatic. I don’t scream.”
“I bet you five days that I can make you scream.” A promise.
“Five? That’s almost – you can’t just hog all the fun!”
“So you think I’ll win.” Smug
“Oh. Oh. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. Get in here.”
Chuckle.
Click.
---
The next time Isabel saw Robert (in her apartment, how did he get in there?) she could barely look him in the eye. She tried to make him leave as soon as possible, did not give him back his phone, and thought very hard of him not having sex with his associate(s).
Rusty went back to Danny, informed him of the phone, grinned when Danny understood the implication, and proceeded to tease Linus mercilessly for the next five days.
“Yes?” Isabel looked up from her paperwork.
“It’s forensics. They’ve got your phone finished.”
Ah. Robert’s cell phone. Well, time to go see what contacts she should be looking for. She smiled to herself. What she would have given to have seen the look on his face when he realized she’d taken it--!
But this was almost better. To find his partners, his friends (she sneered; like they wouldn’t turn on him for a stack of bills) and put them away for a crime they absolutely would commit? And possibly be led to the Night Fox in the process? Scratch that ‘almost’. It was better.
“So what have you got for me, genius?” Isabel smiled. Despite her less-than-stellar relationships with the brass, she and forensics got along quite well. It got her better service and faster results, and they didn’t do all the political bullshit. She knew when to behave or kiss up, but she preferred the company of the “geeks” to those testosterone-filled idiots upstairs.
“Some very interesting thieves, gorgeous.” Maria spun around in her office chair. “Want to see? Or rather, hear?” She gave Isabel a cheeky grin. “You’ll never believe it…” Teasing.
“Oh really?” Isabel pulled up her own office chair. “Show me before you say anything.” She gave as good as she got.
“You asked for it.” Another spin in the chair and Maria typed a bit on her keyboard.
---
“You do know that you could just walk over here if you wanted to talk, right?”
(“This is the beginning of the conversation,” Maria informed Isabel. “The phone has caller ID. Still kind of weird though.” The policewoman nodded, then waved for quiet. Who was Robert talking to?)
“A whole two doors down? And besides, this way is more fun.”
(Who was that voice? Daniel Ocean, perhaps?)
“Danny.”"
(Yes, she was right. Victory glowed warm in her chest.)
“Rusty."
“I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t do this on jobs anymore.”
(Do what? Isabel mouthed to Maria. Just listen, came the answer. She complied.)
“Just because of that one time–”
“Five.”
“Five?”
“Five. At least.”
“I only remember–”
“Memphis. The diamonds.”
“What about–”
“The guy, Landry I think."
“The stockbroker?”
“Uh-huh.”
“But what about–”
“Three angry wives, two ex-husbands, fifteen gold marshmallows and a cat.”
(“What the hell?” Isabel exclaimed.
“That isn’t even the best part,” said Maria.)
“Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Five times.”
Silence.
“Let’s make it six.”
“No. No, Danny, just no. I’m hanging up. Ah-! No. Hanging up. Bye, Danny.”
Click.
---
“I’d say the gold marshmallows were the best part,” said Isabel.
“Not even,” grinned Maria. “Wait ‘til you hear the next conversation.”
“Wait, wait. First give me a rundown. Do we have any contacts?”
Maria sighed. “Unfortunately, no. Your boy Rusty is real careful. Wiped all memory from earlier than a week ago. All we have are three conversations.” Then she perked up. “But they’re really interesting! Want to hear the other two?”
Isabel spent a moment to acknowledge how good Rusty was before she said, “Sure. All between Robert and Daniel?”
Maria typed some more. “Oh, those are their real names?”
“Robert Ryan and Daniel Ocean,” confirmed Isabel.
“Mm,” said Maria, “doesn’t suit them,” and pressed a key.
---
“No, Danny.”
“Aw, come on. It’ll be fun. Maybe I can make the others hear you.”
“You weren’t able to before.”
(Smug. Robert was always smug. What was Daniel trying to get Robert to do, though? Something loud?)
“I wasn’t really trying to before.”
“The time in–”
“Doesn’t count.”
“..You know, if you weren’t drunk, you wouldn’t be trying this.”
“Rus’, that was–”
“Well yeah, okay, I’m tired. I’ve been looking at plans all day, you know.”
(Ah-ha. First count of truly suspicious behavior. Plans for what, though?)
“Guaranteed good–“
“–And that wasn’t?”
“So we both aren’t at our best. It’s still a good idea.”
“It really isn’t.”
(Really, what was Daniel trying to get Robert to do?)
“Come on, live a little.”
“This is to make up for–“
“—But only if you—”
“—Well I–”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“…So?”
“Call me back in five minutes.”
Expectant silence.
“Dude, phone bills.”
“Oh. Right.”
Click.
---
“Huh,” said Isabel.
“What?” Maria turned her chair to look at her.
“I’d heard of how they did their little–” she gestured, “not-speaking thing, but…”
“It is pretty strange,” Maria agreed. “Number three is the really interesting one, though.”
---
“So is this a yes?”
“Mm.”
“Oh. What.”
“Not phone sex, alright?”
(“Is that… Did he just say what I thought he said?” Isabel sputtered. “What the hell!”
“Oh yeah,” grinned Maria.)
“And the alternative would be…?”
“Uh, sex sex?”
“Skin on skin, grunting, moaning, screaming–”
“Hey, I don’t scream. I am not a screamer. You are the screamer.”
(“Lalala, I’m not listening,” sang Isabel, fingers in her ears. “This is way more than I ever wanted to kno-ow.”
Maria snickered.)
“No I’m not.” Indignant. “I’m charming and charismatic. I don’t scream.”
“I bet you five days that I can make you scream.” A promise.
“Five? That’s almost – you can’t just hog all the fun!”
“So you think I’ll win.” Smug
“Oh. Oh. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. Get in here.”
Chuckle.
Click.
---
The next time Isabel saw Robert (in her apartment, how did he get in there?) she could barely look him in the eye. She tried to make him leave as soon as possible, did not give him back his phone, and thought very hard of him not having sex with his associate(s).
Rusty went back to Danny, informed him of the phone, grinned when Danny understood the implication, and proceeded to tease Linus mercilessly for the next five days.
